November 14, 2008

The Girl I Used To Be

So this week has been a tough one. Drake had a checkup this week and had to get shots and he's always more fussy for a few days after that. And he's getting so many teeth at the same time. And Logan was crying for a half hour straight. That may not seem like too long but he is usually such a quiet little guy. So it got me a little frazzled. And I've been trying to do a lot of organizing around the house. And I feel like I've gotten so much done but it's a little frustrating because it's stuff you might not notice. So I feel like my house still looks so messy and cluttered. I'm just really excited for the weekend and to spend some time with Grant. And tonight I was also thinking how much I would love to take a long bath, wash my hair, put a mask on my face and paint my nails. But when the boys finally go to sleep I just want to crawl into bed. Sometimes I feel so frumpy during the week. I have a ponytail usually and no makeup. And I was looking at old pictures the other night and totally felt like I've let myself go. And I thought of a poem that my sister Whitney found a long time ago and it fit my mood. It also reminded me that sometimes I need to just stop what I'm doing and get down on the floor and play with the boys while they are little. It's okay if the house is cluttered sometimes. Not to mention that Drake usually follows me around while I'm cleaning and likes to take out what I just put away. Anyway, motherhood isn't always the most glamorous thing but I have no regrets. I know these years are going to go by so fast and I know I'm going to miss it. And I also feel very lucky to be able to stay home with the boys. Although sometimes I get so tired and frustrated that going back to work sounds kinda nice. I hope I'm not the only one who ever feels this way. If you've had a week like mine I hope you enjoy this poem as much as I do.

She came tonight as I sat alone...

The girl I used to be...

And she gazed at me with her earnest eye
And questioned reproachfully:

Have you forgotten the many plans
And hopes I had for you?

The great career, the splendid fame,
all the wonderful things to do?

Where is the mansion of stately height
With all its gardens rare?

The silken robes that I dreamed for you
And the jewels in your hair?

And as she spoke, I was very sad
For I wanted her pleased with me...

This slender girl from the shadowy past

The girl that I used to be.

So gently rising, I took her hand
And guided her up the stairs

Where peacefully sleeping, my babies lay
Innocent, sweet, and fair.

And I told her that these are my only gems,
And precious they are to me;

That silken robes is my motherhood
Of costly simplicity.

And my mansion of stately height is love,
And the only career I know

Is serving each day in these sheltered walls
For the dear ones who come and go

And as I spoke to my shadowy guest,
She smiled through her tears at me.

And I saw the woman that I am now
Pleased the girl I used to be.

~~ Author Unknown ~~


Alex said...

Natalie I love that poem. I have heard it before and I have totally felt the way you have been feeling this week. Please call me if you ever feel this way again and Zeke and I will come and play with Drake. I will even come over and watch the little ones so you can take a bath if you want to. :)I am more then willing to come and help so jus let me know! Love ya and hope you have a good weekend.

Giron Fam said...

Oh Nat, I LOVE that poem. How perfect. I've never heard that before. I might just have to steal it and put in on my blog. It was just what I needed to hear today! Thank you!

William and Lacey said...

Maybe it's cause I'm pregnant but that poem totally made me tear up! That is such a good one! I think everyone Mom feels that way!

Jesse and Kimmie said...

great poem natalie! i loved it :)

Jen and Johnny said...

Thanks for that!!! I absolutely feel that way~ probably more than I should!!!! I get feeling down on myself and down in general so you are not alone!! You are wonderful and thanks for posting that poem!!

Tate-Family-Fun said...

I feel the same way! Thank you for that poem and your comment. It really helped me. I too think about a career and more money and looking more fashionable and beautiful, but being a full-time mom is worth more than all that glitze and glam. Your beautiful no matter how you look. You've got a great heart. Your boys are lucky!

Tomm and Whit said...

I love that poem too! It always makes me cry!!! It is so touching. I know that motherhood is the greatest calling. I hope I will get the job one day. You are such a wonderful Mom! I hope you always know how much joy you bring Grant and those little boys! I love you!

Camron Amy and Brycson said...

Hey Natalie! Glad you found our blog, feel free to visit any time! You have such a cute little family. I can totally relate to everything you've talked about and I love the poem, I may have to pass it on myself.