November 29, 2009

Just Some Thoughts....

Oh my gosh I've been a little ball of stress lately. I need to find a way to relax! I'm not sure what's going on with me but lately I can't stop worrying about things. Mostly Drake and Logan. Sometimes I just worry that I'm not giving them all the things they need... I worry every single day that they aren't getting enough to eat and when they do eat that it's not the right kinds of food. I hate mealtime! First I have to try and think of something to cook that I think they will like. Then I make it and most of the time it seems like they won't touch it. I feel like I'm constantly in the kitchen trying to give them bites of this and that, ugh! It exhausting! Then I've also been worried that I'm not teaching them enough. Am I reading to them enough? Playing enough? Talking to them enough?? Sometimes I just can't stop thinking about how it's my responsibility to raise them and try and help them to be good people.

And I'm having some 2nd-child guilt. How there's half the pics and videos of Logan as there are of Drakey. I remember with Drake it was like the world revolved around him and every minute was spent playing with him and showing him new things. And when Logan came along, his needs were eating/sleeping/changing... and still a lot of my time was spent with Drake. Helping him with things and teaching him. I would make Logan happy and content but a lot of my attention went to Drake. But now suddenly Logan seems so grown up and his personality is totally developing right in front of me. And he loves to learn new things, and he needs more attention and stimulation now. But I feel guilty for not giving him more attention all this time... I'm showing Logan toys now that I showed Drake when he was 10 months and teaching Logan songs that I taught Drake when he was just little. It just feels like I've wasted a lot of time. Anyway! That was a lot of rambling! I just needed to vent I guess and I hope I'm not the only one who ever feels this way!

7 comments:

Jodi said...

I know all about 2nd child guilt. And then 3rd child guilt. But look at it this way. . . When Drake was a baby, his parents were all he had to play with and stimulate his little brain. Logan is lucky because he has you, Grant, AND Drake. So Logan's not missing out on anything. It's just a different experience than Drake's. Maybe better because sibling bonds are strong. So you don't have as many pictures. Big Deal. You probably have enough to show him what he looked like as a baby and his milestones. That's enough. Let go of the 2nd child guilt. You're a good Mom, that's what they will remember. :-)

Giron Family said...

Oh Nat I've totally been there. I really think it's their age (about the eating thing). It will get better. My girls did the same thing. And the whole second child guilt thing...tell me about it! Madi has a huge over flowing baby book and I only got to the day we brought Ella home in her book. Sad. I also think once they start talking really well and you get a lot of feed back from them you will feel better about most things. It's seriously so hard when they are so little. I remember having those same feelings.

The Christensen Clan said...

Okay so here is my take just referring to kids so close together...because I can relate so well. Claire was so small when Libby came along that I felt so stretched to give them both all of the attention they needed. But the one thing I do know for sure is as long as you are loving them they will get everything else they need just from every day life. Kids require so much of our time...and then we have to add that to the rest of the things we need to do and get done. There is just not enough time in the day to play and read all day! Do your best and that is the best you can do...is what I tell myself. But I think your friend at the first is right...older siblings teach so much to the younger that most of those things you don't need to worry about. Your kids are close together and I know I keep saying that but for a few years it is going to feel caotic and then their will come a day when you will get a breather and feel content...in the mean time...I remember a Dr. or Nurse telling me that kids will not starve themselves. Give them what you have for them to eat and if they don't eat it...try the next time! My kids know that if they don't eat what is on their plate that is it...they have become much better and less picky eaters...plus they say that kids only need to eat as much as would fill up and 8 oz bottle.
Okay wow...I had a lot to say...but I do sympathize with you completely. You are a great mom and like I said just do the best you can do and don't compare yourself...(something I am working on right now!)

Love ya!
Lynae

The Christensen Clan said...

8 oz bottle per day, that is not very much...forgot to tell you that!

Sus.. said...

I say, you can only do what you can do. I pretty much feel the same in some respect, but things are always different with each child. The other children don't realise that their siblings are being treated differently to them when they were younger. Just relax and love them as the little people they are! I've started a blog today and am looking forward to sharing my motherly experiences too!

Sus..... said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sus..... said...

...and just remember...if they are hungry they'll soon eat their supper...